To start…. Not to be too sentimental but friends are important especially the older ones. Those that have seen you through your formative years know you in a way that few will. A healthy friendship network provides support and it never hurst to have more people watching your back. Like any relationship you get what you put into it and friendships need cultivation.
I have lived in a lot of places and spent much of my childhood moving from place to place and spent much of my time as “The New Kid”. This trend continued into adulthood with my education moving to many cities where I have had to “Start Over” multiple time. This, mixed with what some people call my pathologic friendliness, has given me some hard-earned experience in the friend department.
and I am here to give a few pointers on how to do just that….
Keeping friends:
- REACH OUT TO YOUR #$&%ING FRIENDS!!!!
Yes, you stalk them on social media. They look happy, maybe have a kid or a dog or are frequently hiking. Whatever. Be that friend. We are all very busy, and we forget to call our friends. It turns into months and maybe even years since you have heard from your friends, and then it feels awkward to reach out because it has been so long. Do it. Reach out to them! Say Hi. Make a Facetime date. Go visit them. I have found that nearly all my friends are excited to reconnect, and I have rekindled many a great friendship by just reaching out and staying in contact. Yes, it takes time but it is worth it.
- Schedule Time for Friendship
If you don’t take time you will never have time. Schedule a time that you will plan on hanging out. This could be every Tuesday yoga and drinks… Second Friday of every month for tapas… Yearly travel to Mexico… Whatever works for you. Even if you end up canceling just keep bringing it back. It is important to actually schedule the time and not leave it as a, “we should get drinks sometime.” The response should be, “Yes, when are you free next week?”
- When you think about your friend let them know
I am working on this one myself. I have a few friends that we send each other random cards or gifts when we think about it. A bit cheesy I know but there is nothing like coming home from a long day at work to find a box of chocolate from your good friend and a silly card that makes you smile. Reaching out can even be a silly gif or a friendly text.
But these are friends that you have… how do you get new ones?
In-person education provided us years and years of being locked in a room with people and having shared experiences, which in turn formed easy friendships. I think that we all took this for granted as we join the work force and find that work may not provide the same plentiful pool of people eager to make friends. In order to make new friends you need to find ways to recreate this type of experience.
- Be the person to reach out
I think we all fear rejection but you are an adult now. Put on your big adult pants and go introduce yourself to someone. This works well for places you go often, local coffee shop, book store, hobby shop. You at least know you have something in common. I have successfully made many friendships by just saying hello.
- Use the internet
There are many meet up groups and hobby groups in most areas. These groups are full of people again with a similar interest that want to make friends. Join a running group or moms who like to drink wine group. Don’t see one that interests you? Make a group of your own!
- Try something new
This is just plain good advice in general. Take a class in something…. Glass blowing… Fresh pasta making… Spinning… I don’t know— pick one! Similar to school this puts you in a group of people ready to make friends. Bonding over a new thing can lead to friendship, and (bonus!) that new thing might be a recurring weekly thing that helps grow the friendship (See #2 on keeping friends 😉 )
- Friend Network
Encourage your friends to bring others of their friends to a brunch for example. There is a good chance that your friend’s friends will have quite a bit in common with you. This also builds a friend group which makes it easier to keep in contact as there are more people to come up with tasks or make sure that the group continues to hang out.
Recap:
- You are not the only one struggling with making friends
- Make the time to keep in touch with your friends. This is the easiest way to keep friends
- Get over your nervousness and anxiety be the one to make the first move
- Find new things to do or groups with similar interests